T'was 2007

‘Twas 2007, the year nearly gone, another 12 months growing tall straight and strong
The laundry neatly folded and piled through the house,  Has anyone seen the cat? oh no where's the mouse?

The children keep growing despite my appeals, It’s all Daddy's fault, no one misses a meal.

With minds like sponges and razor sharp wit, each day begins early, another 19 hour sprint

All three kids have two triathlons under their belt, with medals to prove all the sufferin’they felt                                       

Don't feel bad, there's much to be gained,  pushing your limits finds true strength beyond the pain

When did my wondering mind realize, My oldest turn 12, her hormones alive!

One part a girl she's getting so tall, another I don't  recognize, boys and myspace and going to the mall

She's getting so pretty it's not hard to see, the boys already calling but they don't get through me

She loves her new school, she's preparing  for college,  drama club and swim team give balance to knowledge

A memorable year for her it has been, adventure at Sea World, then off to France and home again

The boy is a special one, he bloomed like a flower  his minds a steel trap and books he devours

He’s witty and sweet, he’s expressive and nutty, from dino's to sharks he's a quick study

Thanks to parent teacher partnership, prayer, and good thoughts, Our Aidan’s made such strides that our jaws they just drop

Rock climbing, running and cling peaches by the jar, me boyo's love of life has made him the second grade super star 

Then there’s our Ali, oh, where do I start, Allison’s got sweetness down to an art!
She’s loving and caring, industrious and true,  She lights up the room, her smile and personality shine through

With the makings of an athlete, she's fast and strong in the water, it cannot be denied our creators best work is strong in this daughter

So many memories, so much commotion,  a measure of chaos that's life's magic potion

Dad's year of racing is his best ever, he's aggressive, speedy, focused and clever

Our good fortune this year has been too great to measure, each of our friendships is something we treasure.

We’re healthy and happy and thank God above for filling our lives with His awesome love.

That's 2007, it's been a good ride, an adventure you might say, we fully intend that 2008 be the same way.

Dear Santa, What I want for Christmas this year is...

From Ivie;

Who are you/Quiz's, A new Skip It, Betty Crocker Baking Kit (200 pc), Lil Luveables and 1 thing from Mr. & Mrs. Clause.

Ivie List #2

New Lap Top PC, Didgy camera, Video camera, New Cell Phone and a not mad Dad.

PS Maybe a Wii with Mario Bros. or  an iPod Nano

Love Ivie.

From Allison;

I  want a Brats doll and a gift certificate to Toys R Us and a Nintendo DS and a Life Like Pony and a REAL kitten but, one thing I really want is a Make Up kit and a Sensor Shaker.

PS.  Can you get my Dad a iPod so I can get mine back please.

Love Allison

From Aidan;

I want a Wii with two video games and a Rocket Fishing Rod and a Train Bank and a X-Box and a Nintendo DS.

Love Aidan

Merry Christmas Everybody

Are there any other single Dad's...

Training for an iron distance event?  I got hooked on multi sport races (Triathlons) a few years ago.  I ran a sprint race just to show me I could do it.  At the time an 800 yd swim, 18 mile bike and 3 mile run seemed like a marathon.  

As a kid I loved - and I mean loved the feeling of zooming along on my stingray. It was my first taste of freedom being able to go where I wanted when I wanted.  I've never lost my love of riding the bike.  As a pubescent I swam on a division 2 team and hoped some of that muscle memory might have stuck with me. 

On race day, 500 yards into my 800 yard feat (too far from shore to touch the bottom and to close to call for help - yes I would rather drown than be embarrassed)  I thought I was going to die.  Swimming turned out to be a lot more work than I remembered it being.  The run wasn't much better.  You've seen people run who look relaxed and efficient.  Quiet and swift. Right?  Me?  Well, lets just say wounded asthmatic water buffalo. 

Since then I've improved a little.  Not because I'm one of those genetically gifted types.  It's because I've worked my _ss off.   I set the bar high, committed to my goals and created the circumstances of my success.   I did the work.  Next month on November 11th I run my 1st 1/2 iron man.  A 70.3 mile test of individual fitness and endurance.  I'll be racing in a division of over 40 men, Dad's, businessmen, amateur athletes just like me over 1.4 mi swim, 56 mile bike and finally a 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles).  I'm actually excited, I'm not going to survive the distance I'm going to race.

Silverman Full & Half Distance Triathlon

When people ask me or my training buddies why we do it, we respond with cliche platitudes;  I want to test myself and push my limits, It's always been a dream of mine, I missed getting into the Olympics because of ____.  When the real answer is too obvious; we're insane.  Utterly around the bend bonkers. A certifiable sandwich short of a picnic danger to ourselves. 

Funny thing is, we love it.  We make sacrifices to train and compete. Clean diets, rigorous schedules, 2 a day work outs, early wake ups and long long days.  After all, each of us has a career, a family, children, spouses, community commitments etc.  We just layer on this challenge of training our bodies and minds to surpass every obstacle and barrier to achieve something that  prompts others to cringe at the very thought.  

There is a great quote that recently came from  a lecture by Randy Pausch a Carnegie-Mellon professor and father of 3 dying of pancreatic cancer.  He said "brick walls exist for a reason.  They exist so we can show how much we really want something"

Watch the video

Pretty powerful words coming from a Father who won't live to see his children grow up. A man who is being denied half of his life expectancy. I hear him telling me; live your life to the fullest, pursue your dreams and don't let anyone tell you that you can't.  The obstacles you encounter reaching your goals are their to help you reach them, not stop you from reaching them.  That strikes a chord with me, it gives me courage.  I give thanks for Randy, I pray that his children will carry his voice.

That's a message I want my kids to hear, to learn, to embody.  It is therefore, an ethos I must embody.  Not in my easy chair holding court in the living room.  I do it getting in a long run at 430am on Wednesday (before the kids are awake) and in the pool at 630pm Tuesday & Thursday (after the kids are done with their swim team practice)  I do it when I share with my kids how nervous I am before a race or how pleased I am at a 3% improvement in my 10K or a 1% increase in their 50 yd freestyle.  I do it when I take that extra moment of time to gently recall with my 7 yr old his triumph over constructing complete sentences or my 8 yr old on her improvements in reading.  I do it by living it.  I teach it by be-ing it. 

It's not about how to achieve your dreams it's about how to live your life.

Dying Professor's Last Lecture

Brick walls exist to help us show how much we want something.

Something strange has happened

I have to tell you as a single parent of 3 kids I get a chuckle out of hearing single parents of 1 kid complain about their hectic life.  And I'm sure that the single parent of 6 kids (you know the one - she's in her 2nd year of law school) finds my laments equally funny.  It's all perspective right?

I'm forever experimenting with various time & responsibility configurations.  Trying to achieve the elusive balance of staying pretty much caught up and having time to play, bond and communicate and still get 6 or 7 hrs of sleep.  Hey, I aim high.

In this most recent iteration of how to create more hours in the day I've gone really far afield.

I turned off the TV. 

It began innocently enough. I have long known that clicking on the TV actually creates an electron vacuum which sucks all but the most basic neurological functions from the human body. This artificial paralysis is even more pronounced in our offspring.  I often marvel at how a young mind can devise a multi part plan, move and stack two rooms of furniture then scale the teetering structure to reach the top shelf of the kitchen cupboard just to retrieve the stale dinner mint left over from last thanksgiving.  But under the influence of television this same creative genius is utterly incapable of even the slightest voluntary actions. 

We started by leaving the TV off for the entire 1st week of school.  It was a challenge.  Overcoming the habitual pattern of clicking on the idiot box for background noise took some effort.  But, with 3 kids  trying to talk and do homework and pass information the extra voices of the TV proved to be a diabolical influence when we returned to our old ways in the 2nd week of school.  It occurred to me that our home had increased levels of harmony and attentiveness when the TV was NOT on.  Could this be possible?                   

We continued the experiment in week 3.  Here it became evident that the strain was taking a toll.  I repeatedly found each of my children in their bedrooms clutching a TV remote, heads lolled to one side in near catatonia watching Sponge Bob and Patrick with the volume nearly off.  Confiscating the remote was sufficient at first.  Only in week 4 did they stoop to using their fingers to work the control buttons.  At this point I was forced to employee tough love.  I removed the TV's from their rooms.  The temptation was simply too great for their little minds.  The pitiful wails could be heard for blocks.  But, I had no choice.  It was for my own good.   

We had to find a substitute.  Cold turkey was a cruel master.  Here parental inspiration struck me like a bolt of lightning.  "Read" I said.  Their little faces went blank as they scoured the memory neurons for the meaning of the word. 

Books?  they said in unison.  "Yes please" I answered. It was fitful at first.  Now a few weeks into the routine, reading is what they do for the precious hour or so we have unscheduled each evening.  

The big payoff (if I had to pick one) is peace.  We have quietitude and thinkability about the house.  For the last few nights they've taken turns reading to me.  I manage to nod off listening to the little voices go on about Lewis & Clark and McQueen the car.  I know for some parents this is all boring, "like duh wake up and smell the literacy" but for me this has been an epiphany of aha. 

I've won a victory.  Taken back another portion of our lives previously occupied by popular culture.  I feel liberated. 

Do you have a similar experience?  Tell us about it.       

Time to update

I'm really going to update this more often.  A single Dad's work is never done. yadda yadda yah.

 During a visit last month with my Sister and Mom I was telling horror stories about grocery shopping with my kids.  I've know for years that grocery store designers are actually agents of evil who have perfected the diabolical science of inducing a particularly cruel type of "grocery store mania" in children.  The Coup de grace is of course the belief held by patrons and store employees alike; can't you control your child? 

I  digress.  My solution to the dilemma is I simply do not give grocery stores my money.  Fooey to you Von's, Safeway, Ralph's, Albertson's, Smith's and all the other retail minions owned by the evil Darth Krogers. You don't get my consumer dollars.

I also know that I'm not the only parent to have developed the pathological aversion to the "grocery store mania"  My Sister sent me this eBay posting.  You can't bid on the item any longer but you can get a huge dose of relief knowing your not the only one....

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=130144061675#description

What a world.....What a world....

 

Majority Of Parents Abuse Children, Children Report

LOS ANGELES—"My parents force me to finish my math homework before letting me watch TV," admitted "Derek," 10, a study participant and abuse victim.

      Well this is it fellow parents, we've been outed.  I once told my adoptive Dad; "the only reason you adopted me was to mow the lawn!"  I see now I was truly ahead of my time.   

Fathers Day come and gone

With 3 kids to raise each one demands a portion of individual attention.  Quite frankly I don't ever think I've done a good job of giving them their due. 

With summer here and all 3 shuttled off to see their Mother I am feeling guilty about the time I don't get to spend with them.  Last week found me in San Diego picking up my 12 yr old from camp. 

I took the opportunity to spend a few days with her.  We spent 3 days and 1100 miles making an 8hr 500 mile trip to her Mom's house.  What a great adventure.  We spent nights in campgrounds in Ventura and Morro Bay.  Days exploring beaches, tide pools and little towns we found.  Snuggled together in the back of the SUV on an under-inflated air mattress or in a too small tent.  I haven't slept so well in ages.  Our last day was spent on the Hwy 1 driving along the most rugged and undeveloped section of coastline probably in the world.  We spent a big chunk of the day touring San Simeon.  Truly an American Icon.  We ended the day at Fisherman's Wharf in Monterey. I showed her my old high school, went on a glass bottom tour of the kelp beds, counted Sea Otters and sat for caricature of us both. 

I could go on indefinitely about those 3 short days.  I guess the real measure of them will be if she remembers them as fondly I do. 

So far no one has found my blog.  I hope that will change with regular updating.  If you stop by to read please sign in and let me know will you?  I'd love to hear from any single Dad's or Mom's out there. 

Tell me about you experiences, your trials, doubts and hopes.  I'm pretty sure we have much more in common than differences.

More later...

Man it's quiet

Kids are off to spend summer with Mom and others. Man is it quiet around here. It's a little disconcerting actually.
I took my 7th grader to San Diego this past weekend for adventure camp. Can you imagine a whole week at Seaworld? What a blast. If anyone is interested here'e a link; http://seaworld.org/adventure-camps/swc/index.htm
During check in I had time to chat with other parents. Most were back for their 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc time. They have camps that go up to college age and even involve career training. Pretty cool I think.
It was a rare time for my 'old' daughter and I to spend real quality time together. A day at the beach. We rented tandem bike and took a cruise along Mission Beach, scarfed tacos al carbonara, went splashing in the waves and just enjoyed being in the moment. She's never been to camp, I know she'll shine. It's me whose a little weepy. I'm used to talking to my kids everyday. Answering ten thousand questions, coaching, teaching...you know,,,blah blah blah yackity schmacity. The quiet takes getting used too.
I finished my weekend by overnighting at a camp ground on the beach, a long morning run and a long open water swim before driving back to sunny 702. I drove without music or radio, complete silence for 350 miles.
...Man it's quiet

End of School Days

Wow! The last week of school is a magical time. All the work from the classroom comes home, music programs to be seen and heard, award assemblies, pizza parties, plays, year books. Our days were already pretty much a full sprint, now this. Wow!
My middle schooler has finals the last two days. A far cry from my middle school days. I recall lots of mischief and plans for ditching, free for alls involving water balloons and squirt guns a near complete lack of discipline. Not now. I think that's a good thing. Our Schools are really focus on packing content into available instruction hours.
My first grader who has had a very difficult time adjusting to the structure and rigor of the classroom since pre-school has really turned it around. Finishing the year with a citizenship award and a straight A honor roll birth. The second grader vastly improved reading scores and really picked up math skills.
It's an awesome thing to sit down with your kid and tell them how proud you are of them.
I have taken several moments with all of my children individually and together to recap this school year list of achievements.
My favorite saying is; "no deposit no return" I'm not talking about soda can redemption. I use it to drive home the fact that work done today brings dividends tomorrow. A commitment to a goal requires action sustained over time. Cause and effect.
It's been a wonderful opportunity to celebrate success. Each and every child has broken barriers, increased his/her awareness, mastered some skill, built memories and increased capacity and potential. Maybe my perspective is influenced because I'm their Dad but (I think) the conclusion is inescapable; I held the bar high and my expectations higher. They rose to the challenge. They're my hero's
Today the young ones board a flight to go see their Mom for the summer. I'm yearning for a break, but I'm going to miss them. I get to take my oldest to adventure camp at Seaworld in a few days. I wish I was going with her. Camp at 12 Wow!

In Loving Memory

My maternal Grandmother Mary Marjorie "Marge" Mills passed from this life Friday May 18 2007. At home with dignity and in peace surrounded by family her life force faded then gently ceased. As someone so influential in my life I gratefully honor my "M".

The child of an early 21st century American heartland upbringing instilled with the values of Indian territory homesteading pioneers. Her post WWI, dust bowl, depression era pre-WWII life experiences forged a quiet indomitable woman.

She never wasted words proselytizing the worth of commitment to family, friends, community, perseverance, thrift, humility, determination, hard work, resilience and self reliance. She lived it - it was who she was.

What the young boy in me remembers most are the smells and the flavors of Grandma's house. In her cinder block tract home in dusty Wilcox Arizona her cast iron skillet popped-n-sizzled with the promise of fried chicken, the pressure cooker whistled with potatoes, her back yard garden overflowed with tomatoes, cucumbers & squash - (in which I had no interest) But, I'd take a nickle for every corpulent iridescent green tomato worm I could collect.

The never silent corrugated tin shed that popped and creaked as the sun warmed it's metal sides smelled of oil based paints and rusty nails. It held a infinite variety of treasures and troubles for my ever inquisitive hands. The yard seemed to team with frogs, praying mantises and butterflies, giant grass hoppers and thorny toads.
Feeling silly running about the house unplugging the few appliances an early 1960's home contained before an approaching mid summer monsoon, her afternoon naps.
My uncles pitching wall with big strike zone cut out of plywood an old Navy issue wool blanket backstop.
Sipping a cold Dr. Pepper from a glass bottle crunching Lay's (ya can't eat just one) potato chips watching a snowy black n white rabbit eared console TV. (You had to get up and change your own channels - all 3 of 'em)
The pound cake and divinity at Christmas that must have melted in your mouth.
Poker, Yahtzee and endless gin rummy games at the kitchen table.
As we all grew older she cooked less and moved from small town to city into progressively smaller digs. She enjoyed her retirement and her growing brood of great grandchildren. She traveled some and always had time for friends.

One of her great passions was sports. College football, pro baseball & basketball, a little rodeo thrown in. She had an encyclopedic knowledge for players and team records.

She didn't like to "fuss" and wouldn't let anybody fuss over her. She lived independently according to her terms until just weeks before her passing.

Her no nonsense down home, sometimes caustic wit and droll sense of humor remained with her to the last. She buoyed the spirits of my Mom, Aunt & Sister as they cared for her in her final days as she had cared for them as children.

While hospitalized and enduring a litany of procedures and treatments she quipped "if anybody knew how much trouble it was just to die I - why don't think they'd do it!"

Thankfully, my kids and I spent 2 days with her the week before she died. Weak but feisty she and I spoke of my spirited youth and somewhat troubled past. I thanked her being my touchstone, for being an ever constant and loving force in my turbulent life.

I will be forever grateful she left this life knowing me as a sober, industrious, responsible Father. She said she was proud of me, glad I had turned out OK.
"I knew you had it in you" she smiled, "but ya know Troy" she cautioned; "even when you're on the right path, if you just sit there, you'll get run over... so you just keep it up and don't ever forget that".
I love you Grandma. I won't ever forget that.

Insanity is hereditary - you catch it from your kids

That's a great quote. I'm not certain from whom it originated but, I borrowed it from an excerpt from Ronald Regean' presidential diary. Imagine, arguably the most powerful Chief Executive on the planet recording that in his personal journal after a conversation with one of his grown children. Must have been some conversation. Makes me feel a little better actually.

This is my inagural post in my blog about being a single Dad. I have a lot to say about parenting, single parenting, being the Dad and the only parent in the house. I think it's special. Special in an important way. Being a Dad is important, being a single Dad is - well, more so.

First, I acknowledge that being a man and choosing parenthood over the single life after divorce is odd. Not unique really, there are plenty of single Dad's out there today. We're vastly outnumbered by single Mom's of course, our numbers are growing, still it's odd.
My kids go to a school with 750 students and I'm the only single Dad (that I know of). Our school is primarily 2 parent families, SUV's & Mini Vans clogging the street and school driveway every morning. Next would be blended families, single Mom's and a healthy portion of Grandparent parents. So yes, our little family is odd and that's OK. I've grown accustomed to and even become amused by peoples reactions. Even the kids have related their friends are curious and bewildered about our family situation. This is our reality and it is - as they say- all good.